Can we appreciate the true meaning of compromise and what that means for your personal freedom. The Slumflower definitely spoke on this topic, but I just had a sudden realisation.
A wave of enlightenment hit me, when I realised nobody is checking for me the way I am checking for myself. And that is why I’m taking a new approach on being a single young adult.
When it comes to relationships, after the first kiss I begin to yearn for the constant touch from that man. I want the man whenever I most desire, which is usually all the time (I’m a Taurus). But as I get older I’ve seen that, living with the man you’re in love with can cause so many burdens that will only unravel when you’re deep in the marriage. It’s already been 15 years and you can’t stand that they leave that one spoon in the sink, when the dishwasher has already been loaded.
In conversations with people there has been a strong encouragment for marrying young. In order to have time, “enjoying young adulthood with my partner”; other understandable reasons stem from creating a foundation for the children (I have to have in about 3 or 4 years) and to build together, unlike the troubles some of us experienced with our own parents and coming from broken homes.
But no one wants to talk you into the time and space you need with yourself to grow, build and find yourself. To discover what you like, dislike and just to be free for 3 or 4 years. Most people after 3 years of university, exams and some enjoyment move back home with their immediate families (because this economy girl). NEXT you’re given a timeline of 1 to 2 years before you move out and already you will be hearing, “when will you marry”. And the bae hunting pressure is on. After choosing to settle, you’re moving in with bae and you realise that, you will never be able to create the dream home you had collages of, plastered all over your wall because you’re bae is fussy and has no taste. And even though you’ve accepted them as they are, you now have cheap brown laminated flooring and floral wallpaper instead of a cute Parisian style flat you dreamed of. That ladies and gentleman is an example of compromise. Having to endure a home that’s half inspired by bae’s lack of taste, is how you will suddenly grow to hate the flooring and the one spoon in sink habits. Creating the divide in your marriage, you won’t have sex anymore and before you know it you’re filing for… divorce.
Now this is obviously an exaggeration. But I would like to encourage all peoples, the women’s and the mens, especially the young adults to ensure you can live out your dream lifestyle before you end up with a tasteless bum.
I feel like it’s important to take time out where you’re allowed to choose yourself first. Have an unkept room because you’ve been discovering the world, and no time to properly empty out your suitcase. A spare room full of racks and racks of clothing, shoes and handbags. Most importantly time and space to be in your creative bag and start to exist in your true form with no permenant decision making with someone else.
To all young people who have to step up as the second parent/ carers, young people who have constant disagreements with family, about who they want to be. Our mental state is not prioritised enough, and having to deal with pressures from outside your personal life shouldn’t force us to seek comfort as soon as we get the freedom to do so.
Thank you for coming to my ted talk x