season is here. Popularly known as “cuffing season”. But since hot girl summer, the single ladies and I have been reclaiming our time. It’s that time of the year where it is imperative that you stock up on a new set of hoodies; before you find yourself stealing one from a side dude you had no business messing with.

As much as this is advice I want share, this is a self read and reminder to set new boundaries for your body ma.

Before sex, I didn’t think about men, and what they could do to my body. I didn’t think about sex and how it made me feel. I used to admire men for their good looks, charm and ability to be caring, funny but most of all I knew they were all stupid and after one thing. Knowing that they would never get that one thing from me made me feel powerful.

After the ‘first time’ I gained my new power from making men feel weak, uncontrollable and in that moment— it is like I had them in the palm of my hand and could squish them dead if I wanted to.

A while ago now I had allowed men to make me feel weak, uncontrollable and had allowed them to squish me in the palm of their hand. City boyz were winning by 1000 points and I was letting my fellow hot girls down.

Last night I had a thorough rundown of all my relationships in my head and honestly, I’ve been through some thangs. I believe that I’m good at moving on. My quick break-up steps simply consist of giving myself one day to reminisce all the good moments (texts, voice notes, videos, memes, photos) and then immediately D E L E T I N G & B L O C K I N G everything. ‘Out of sight, out of mind’ is the coldest medicine. But it works.

Situationships have their way with you, whether you think you’re in control of your feelings or not. You leave them knowing exactly what you want and what you don’t. You either want the full on relationship or to never allow a man to be that close to you ever again.

If you fall into the trap of wanting a real relationship. It’s important NOT to accept any old “lovin on me” from anything tall dark and handsome with a pulse. (my personal definiton of TDH is taller than me, black and beared).

Getting to know men, who have not put the same energy into knowing you… just your body. Ain’t it ma. Quite frankly I have a lot to offer and none of these city boy/ baby boys are tryna see that. So I look to this season coined “shy girl winter” – Anabelle Rika Morel to “cook me up some jazz”, and make shit happen for myself. I call it growth and grind.

Not to say these experiences are a waste of time. Because I have made decisions that have allowed me to explore myself and my taste (of which I have none). I’m more concise with men about what I want. I’m clear with who?? I want. The kind of man I want. The way I should be treated. Whether I want to be loved or not. What star sign matches good with mines????? — (lyrical pun intended).

Lastly for all the male friends out there. What are you really here for if you’re not helping me develop in life or enlightening me? I want more men to be more open and honest about their intentions and most importantly their feelings. As my friend said to me on the phone, “You want me to come to your house, when I can watch those same movies in my own home???”.

UAL BA Journalism Grad: carlaaureliem@gmail.com

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