As the new year rolls in, I’ve taken it upon myself to write one of those gratitude lists. Noting down what I am grateful for and want I to achieve this year. Upon reflection I felt a variation of emotions and noticed, I had a series of negative thoughts that have kept me in the same position that I don’t want to be in.

Phase one of my mood swings: Regret — I’ve done fuck all this year!

For the majority of the year it felt like, one minute I was begging for the start of Summer 19 (which truly was the highlight of the year). The next minute Summer was over. I remember promising myself that I would go into hibernation and “grind”, and before I knew it December had and already came and went. In between that time I had been stuck in retail, which to me had no relation to my goals apart from making bank. Yet I still felt like I had achieved little to nothing from my personal goals.

Phase two of my mood swings: Reasoning — I just don’t have good luck…

As much as I’d like to believe that I am free thinker, I’ve been highly influenced by social media and the world of celebrity. This belief that determines I must be successful by a certain age or it doesn’t count; has been gripping me by the nipples. Deep down in the back of my mind, I know that everyone reaches milestones at different points in their life. We all determine success in our own personal ways too, but consistently being bombarded by other peoples success has made me question myself… and my capabilities. Am I enough?

Phase three of my mood swings — Acceptance: “Preparing is the success”.

Preparing for success in the moments of drought contributes to your success. When you lack inspiration or run out of that creative juice. How you overcome that dry spell is equipping you for future success. You’ll know how to distract yourself or jumpstart your brain in those crucial moments. I now realise that, the overtime spent in retail is securing your funds to invest in future creative projects, when you do gain that free time. Everything you do and how you react affects your success story.

UAL BA Journalism Grad: carlaaureliem@gmail.com

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